We're coming for your money.

Meet Cloris. Cloris is my soprano ukulele, a Lanikai model LU-21, named after Cloris Leachman.

"But why 'Cloris?'" you might be asking your computer screen. I'll tell you why. The Lanikai and Leachman have, like, a ton in common. For starters, they're both classically awesome. Neither takes themselves too seriously. They're both reliable and practical and funny and quirky and not too fancy. And they've both been kind of forgotten since the 1970's, but are making comebacks, of sorts. So that's why.

Cloris and I met on December 25, 2008, and it was adoration at first sight. We've been practically inseparable ever since.


This is Twiggy. She is a metal kazoo produced by the Trophy Music Company. She cost exactly $2, is painted royal blue on the back, and has a hard time staying in my mouth while I play Cloris. She is named Twiggy because she's skinny, she's empty on the inside and she secretly yearns to work as a judge on America's Next Top Model.

Twigs and I met just last week at First Flight Music on First Avenue. I plucked her from a fishbowl of cheap plastic kazoos; somehow, with her shiny, brassy exterior, she seemed like the classier option. We're not exactly besties yet, and her sense of entitlement can lend itself to diva-like behavior at times, but we're both trying to put our differences aside in our pursuit of mellifluous excelllence.

So. It'll be me, Cloris and Twiggy against the world. The cranky, crowded, commuting world.

Wish us luck.